doesn't matter.

doesn't matter that people don't like who I am, what I'm doing. I keep going strong.

Tanda Tanya.

I am not angry, i am not complaining neither. I just don't understand.

At some points, you just simply not understandable. Don't say that i haven't try to understand you. This post is a prove that i still keep trying to understand. At some points, i just don't get it. The way you think, the way you act, the way you process the thoughts about circumstances.

I am not a psychology student. I am a business student. But i don't think i have to major in psychology to understand the behavior of a friend of mine.

I heard you very clearly. And i also think that's the best. I am not expecting more, i am not wanting something special, nor keeping a feeling. No, i am not. If that's what you are afraid of, then i am telling you that i am not. Really.

Is it that hard to just go normally ? We are good friend. I believe we are. But in some particular points, i just simply don't get it. I am clueless. I believe that, avoidance, ignorance, and neglect doesn't help. You don't need to explain if you don't want to. You don't need to tell me neither, if that's what you want. Takes as much time as you wish, as you need, as you want. But you have to know that there is someone out there who simply can't get you, sometimes. And that person is me.

Is there anything i can do to make it better ? to understand you better. to comfort you better. to suit you better. I never mean to irritate you, in any sense. Because i also don't want to be irritated as well. Just tell me what you want me to do, what i need to do and how to do it. For the sake of normal friendship, please. Let's have a mutual understanding.

The Poker of Love.

I just heard a story from one of my best friend about his current love life. He is currently in a feeling toward a girl who already got a boyfriend. Dilemmatic, maybe. But one thing. He said :

"Sometimes, girls can play very nice in this game. They don't want to raise the call, they don't want to fold it neither. They just want to check it in the bet."

Sounds good, right ? I call it as The Poker of Love.

My November.

For most of the time, November is always special for me. Maybe because i were born in November, or maybe because it is just simply special. People talk about this month in movie, like Sweet November, and song, November Rain.

And this November, i experience many exciting things. I celebrated my 20th birthday this month. For the first time, i celebrated abroad. The school works was intense and become more demanding. I do quite a lot of shopping. To be honest, i financially bleeding this month. I went to Den Haag quite often this month, three times. Eat out too much. I'm broke, but i'm happy.

Especially this weekend, it is very enjoyable. I've been struggling with school works since Monday till Thursday eve. Then i finally finish my work on Friday morning, went to the Mosque for Friday prayer, then hit the gym. On the friday night in Family Trimo's house, there's a family gathering before the parents departing to Hajj by the following morning. It was nice. Although i feel a bit tired after the gym, we talked, we eat, we laugh, we pray together. We together circled around in the living room to read Surat Yasin, pray for the best of the pilgrimage.

On the following day, in the morning, i went to the Schipol Airport. And at night, i went to Den Haag to attend Daniel Sahuleka live performance. The performance was intimate with approximately 100 attendance in a small-but-nice theater of De Rogentes. It was touching. The melody, the soul of the songs, the lyrics, the ambience. Daniel has brought my feeling to the sense of harmony with his magnificent combination of wonderful voice tone and guitar melody.

The vibe was so strong. He delivered many of his hits brilliantly. Songs like Don't Sleep Away, If I Didn't, I Adore You, You Make My World So Colorful, Anak Kecil, Jakarta, etc. being delivered with vigorous emotions. Soulful.

This is my November. The weather is messing. It's raining a lot, it's wet. The scent of the rain is what i like for the most. The school work is intense, but the concert is great as well. It's not winter yet, but summer is over. It may turns me wet outside, but it always warm me inside. It's November.

Between Amsterdam - Den Haag.

This one is extracted from a conversation between two friend on their blackberry messenger.

--

The Boy: You got it
The Boy: Stanford..
The Girl ♣: Skrg rajin2 kuliyahnya
The Girl ♣: Kyk gw2 gini
The Boy: Biar cepet nikah..
The Boy: Hahahah
The Girl ♣: Hahahhaa
The Girl ♣: Hahhahaa
The Girl ♣: Jd pace nya sama deh
The Boy: Hahahah
The Boy: Nice..
The Girl ♣: I'm eating rite nwow
The Girl ♣: So nice
The Girl ♣: Its still raining outside
The Boy: What do u have for dinner ?
The Girl ♣: So happy
The Girl ♣: Porridge phiphiiiiii
The Girl ♣: Oh and strawberry juice
The Boy: Sounds delicious..
The Boy: Its pouring here as well
The Boy: I'm waiting for my train to den haag
The Girl ♣: What do u want to do in den haag
The Boy: Gue udah bilang sama lo belom sih kalo gue jadi perwakilan Presidium PPI Amsterdam
The Girl ♣: Waaah belum

The Boy: Ada debat sama perwakilan bem seluruh indo gitu
The Boy: Mereka lagi studi banding ke belanda
The Girl ♣: Trs
The Girl ♣: Ooooo
The Girl ♣: Waw

--

The Boy: Jadi nanti kalo lo mau masternya di stanford, ya gue nanti bilang sama kantor gue buat ditugasin di kantor cabang san fransisco aja..
The Boy: Hahahahahaha.. =))
The Girl ♣: Asik
Arif Nindito: Haha.. Emang enak ya dreaming..
Arif Nindito: Mumpung masih muda ini gapapa banyak2 mimpi deh gue.. *nerd*
The Girl ♣: Iya
The Girl ♣: Its okay to dream
The Girl ♣: Tp klo wan kenobi
The Girl ♣: "Be careful anakin,dream,they betray you"
The Boy: Hahhaha
The Girl ♣: Hahha cakepbh ya
The Boy: But my dream guide me..
The Boy: That's my dream that made me sitting here on this train right now
The Boy: That made me stay on this bad weather country..
The Boy: Hahaha..
The Girl ♣: Oooh that's sweet hahhaha
The Boy: ;)

--

So, keep your dream alive.

When it getting rough.

i want to figure out what i made of. push it to the limit, or maybe exceed it. life will getting rough ahead, keep being logical, rational and focus. so, let's start get accustom to uncertainty. since life itself is uncertain. nothing certain except death. one more thing to keep in mind, you will never walk alone. at the end, it's a matter of self proving.

for those my beloved persons still at home, just watch me and support. i am here, outside our home door. in the real world that i still don't know where it will takes me. i am sorry if they talk too much about me. i'm sure they love each of us equally. i'm gonna be okay here. therefore you guys, please just be good at home.

it will be the nicest gift on my birthday. especially this year, i turn from 19 to 20. nothing can't be better except a taste of real life. just watch out. welcome real life with all of its tastes ! you wanna play rough on me ? i will play even rougher toward you !

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time

--

Lyrics by Stephen Morrissey
Music by Johnny Marr